Day 5: BREAKING NEWS - SEAMAN Gilbert Sentenced

This is BREAKING NEWS from the High Seas. 31º 41.846' N, 152º 25.845'
W, 10:44 AM Hawaii Time.

In a story that has rocked the returning Pac Cup Fleet, a seaman on the
sailing vessel Tiki Blue has been sentenced to hard labor and a
reduction in rank for treasonous acts committed on 7 August 2012. As we
previously reported, on the morning of 8 August, upon fixing the daily
run Captain 'Bligh' Bentsen discovered the previous day's noon log entry
missing from the ship's log. This morning we received word that Captain
Bentsen has concluded his investigation of the alleged treasonous acts
by one, formerly "able" seaman Christopher Gilbert. According to our
sources, seaman Gilbert was responsible for making the aforementioned
noon-day log entry following his rotation on the watch schedule that
day. Captain Bentsen concluded that he failed to do so, in direct
defiance of a duly issued Captain's order.

For uninitiated, the noon-day log entries are used to determine the
daily distance traveled, general passage progress, and other essential
information such as whether the ship is "closer to home or there."
Without accurate position reports, Tiki Blue's navigator could lose
track of the precise number of days left on the voyage, leading the crew
to believe the ship was not making progress at all, but rather was
drifting aimlessly around god forsaken windless stretches of ocean,
where the only form of sustenance is disgusting floating plastic fish
(such as the "evian" and "jim buoy" varieties).

"This action not only put the entire crew of the vessel in danger, but
highly irritated the Captain, who had to use some of his valuable red
wine drinking time, dead reckoning to establish said noon time
position," explained Prosecuting Officer John, who for inexplicable
reasons shall hereinafter be referred to as "Seymour Dodds."

A hearing was held at Captain's Mast this morning at 8:43AM Hawaii
Time. (Ed. Note: The hearing was scheduled for 8 AM. Despite Tiki
Blue having only one mast, Gilbert blamed his tardy appearance at the
proceedings as a result of going to the wrong one first). Captain
Bentsen commenced the hearing with a reading of the charges, also noting
that seaman Gilbert hails from the island province of New Zealand,
widely regarded by seafaring peoples everywhere as producing many a
scoundrel and derelict sailor in the past and present. Then PO Dodds
entered the log book into evidence. The Honorable (and vastly skilled)
American hailing from the Eastern Provinces, David "Stubblebeard"
Schumann, provided a vigorous defense. Due to some sort of fee dispute
involving the quantity of remaining beer on the boat, Schumann withdrew
and declined to provide a closing argument. After considering all the
evidence and testimony for at least as long as it takes to set the
autopilot in compass mode, Captain Bentsen sentenced seaman Gilbert a
two-rank reduction and hard labor. Formerly an "able" seaman, Gilbert
was reduced to "not-so-able" seaman. The prescribed hard labor included
cleaning of the galley, head, and cockpit.

Sources indicate that execution of the sentence began immediately.
Attempts to contact not-so-able seaman Gilbert or the Honorable (and
vastly skilled) Schumann for comment were not returned. Stay tuned for
additional updates.

IN OTHER NEWS

Tiki Blue continues to experience very light winds and mild seas. Most
of yesterday was spent coaxing a few knots of boat speed out of whatever
breeze the crew could find. Last night was similar, with four to seven
knots of breeze out of the SE. Tiki Blue is just skirting the south
side of a high pressure region, with another weaker one to the East.
The plan is to attempt to squeeze between these two highs on a
north-easterly course, hoping that the gap between them remains long
enough for Tiki to pass through to the stronger breezes to the NE.

We know from the 9 PM radio net that there are several other returning
Pac Cup boats in our vicinity; the closest, Medusa, was about 20 miles
south east as of 9 pm last night. However, we cannot see them during
the day or at night. In fact, we have not seen another boat or ship
since leaving Hawaii. One of the returning boats reported seeing an
unlit navy vessel a couple nights ago, but we have not had any such
encounters.

Despite the slow-going, the Pacific continues to amaze. Last night
there were large gaps in the clouds affording a wide view of the stars.
We spent some time identifying stars and planets with various iPad
apps. Even the milky way is quite impressive way out here where there
are no other lights. The night watches have become quite memorable:
grab a hot cup of something to drink, don a pull-over, and stare at the
stars for an hour and half per watch.

At 12:08 Hawaii Time, the GPS is showing us 1517 miles west of the
Golden Gate Bridge. Expedition is predicting an arrival at around 6 AM
Pacific Time on Monday, August 20. Expedition doesn't know we have a
motor though, and we have begun using it in the really light air to keep
our boat speed reasonable. We also don't know exactly what is going to
happen with the areas of high pressure we are moving through. We'll have
a more accurate assessment when we get further into and past these two
high regions.

Respectfully submitted,
The Honorable (and vastly skilled) Stubblebeard.
Some info sourced from PO Dodds' and Captain Bligh's charging document.